I’m sorry for all of the mistakes I’ve made. I’m sorry for the mistakes you’ve made. I’m sorry I didn’t handle it well. I was expecting u to grow up when I was being immature at the same time.
I wish I could go back in time.
I wish you could see. That we are so great together.
I wish u could focus on the good so we can deal with the bad.
I wish I wasn’t alone.
I wish I had my best friend back
I wish I didn’t know how u deal with problems.
I wish u dealt with problems differently.
I wish I had faith.
I wish there was hope I could lean on.
I wish I was u
I wish I was able to run away and push feelings aside
I wish I could deal with things ur way so that I don’t get hurt and the other person does.
I wish I could just message u.
I wish I could cry into your shoulder and be comforted
I wish u missed me.
I wish u wanted to talk to me as badly as I to you.
I wish 2 months is enough
I wish u wouldn’t be able to wait so long and talk to me before
I wish I didn’t feel like crying because I know you won’t do that
I wish u came to my event
I wish I didn’t know u wouldn’t come
I kne u wouldn’t
Even though we agreed
U did that on purpose…
To purposely hurt me…
I’m more hurt about our problems I didn’t know about.
That’s what’s hurting me.
I love u so much.
I can’t let u go.
I don’t want to. Even if u hurt me please keep me by ur side.
Even if It’s different don’t let me go.
Please god. I would do anything to have another chance. I would do anything…
How can I do that, when deep down in my heart and mind I have images of us healthily dealing with whatever made us unhappy. And then us growing together. Like we did before.
How can I move on when I hope and pray to a god I don’t believe in that you’ll open ur eyes.
But then it’s like I have to move on.
Because I know you are the most stubborn person in this world and you would never talk to me first about issues.
I can’t talk to you first either because I also know u felt suffocated these past months when I tried to deal with problems together.
Since it’s been years for us, I, sadly, know how you deal with hardships.
You run away.
You distract yourself with things u think are good like douche bag friends and flood. You choose to push me aside because u think that acknowledging me will only bring pain.
That’s why I know this is the end…
I think if I wait 6 months then u might talk to me on your own.
Maybe even forgive whatever mistakes u think I did.
Maybe even say “imy” or some shit like that.
But I’m suffering here already.
I don’t think I can sit waiting for u for 6 months. 6 months of thinking everyday that you’ll definitely move on from ur issues and come back to me.
So I have to move on?
I miss you so much.
But what hurts most is knowing that you don’t miss me at all.
When u made mistakes u said sorry so many times and begged me to forgive u because things would be different next time. And I was sad but I was happy that u would change
Years later and u surprise me with all of these issues u have with me and then don’t even let me have a chance to make things better??
It’s so unfair. It’s as if u don’t want it to get better
I honestly feel like u actually don’t want to be together.
Is that really true? But we were so happy. We had something amazing
The only thing that changed was u. The only thing that was new was ur stressful work life. That’s what changed u. That’s what changed us.
But u blame me…
And I took the blame thinking that I could find a way to fix everything
To keep everything stable and happy
Because I thought u would work with me
It’s been years since we started our adventure together.
I feel like it’s just beginning. I’m so happy knowing that we are always learning and growing.
But I’m so sad because u don’t see that.
Am I supposed to just give up? am I supposed to just say okay i have to move on?
I’m still in love with you
I still feel so happy when ur happy. I still want you to achieve everything u want in life.
I’m sorry that u felt pressure to fit this image I wanted
God. I’m sorry for that. But I know better. U still treat me as if I’m not aware. As if I’ll never change. As if things won’t get better
Ur not perfect either. But now I’m scared to say anything is wrong
That’s why I wanted us to take this break.
Because I knew that just ignoring what was painful for me to keep u happy wasn’t healthy. But we weren’t exactly in a place where we could talk things out
I felt like walking on eggshells with u
I felt like I was on a tightrope and I was doomed to fall no matter what
I miss you so much :( I’m just so sad. Idk what to think anymore… Yes, I should have been more aware instead of waiting for you to tell me if soemthing was wrong. But it’s so unfair to throw me away so quickly. Especially when I’m so willing to learn and change. What we had was amazing. No one else was like us. We weren’t perfect but we were so good. Y did u give up so quickly?
Real answer: antiblack racism has ya’ll thinking black people do the most. the whole world is homophobic. but when a black person is homophobic, all of the sudden black folks do it the most.
it’s not that black people are more homophobic, rather, people are more willing to inspect black people’s homophobia than any other race.
"inspect" is right. To the anon, you remember Prop 8 don’t you? Black people got blamed for the passing of rescinding the rights of gay couples, they got blamed for it. The legislators of the law (white people) did not get blamed for it. The voters (white people again) who’s political capital completely dwarfs Black people’s didn’t get held responsible, Black people did and that is only because of the hypervisibility that Black people have.
People largely ignore white people’s accountability when it comes to homophobia and they create the laws. Ain’t that some shit?
Hypervisibility in the black community! thank you that word explained what I was trying to. They have an urge to reaffirm a black person is as fucked up as the stereotypes say so they follow it with hypervisibility, ‘all eyes on us’.